A lot of my thinking has always been done on the run. As in, while I am on a run. Lately, I have spent more time on a bike as part of working back to being able to run. Although my thoughts are not as clear, at least I am having some. This post is an attempt to express some of the thoughts rolling around in there on a recent ride.
Sometimes I think back to the mom I was with my first 3 kids. Even the person I was with my first 3 kids. The things I did, the friends I had, the life we had as a family. There was always a lot of laughter. There was always a lot of activity. There was always a lot of chaos - and I mean good chaos. I guess the best way to express it was a lot of joy. Lot's of friends, lots of kids ...
Now, I'm not suggesting that joy left the building once Ayden Jane came along. Trust me, there is still plenty of laughter, plenty of activity and plenty of chaos. At the same time, however, the more serious, goal-oriented nature I have took over. I now had a mission. It started with the basics of getting her feeding enough to come home. Then it was milestones....
Preschool, then grade school... always striving for something. Always having an extra piece of baggage. At times it was worry, at times it was responsibility, at times it was just extra stuff to do, extra planning required.
I realized as I was thinking on my ride, those are lifting. School - just not that worried, she can keep up now. Planning - if I'm not prepared with snacks ect it's no big deal, she can wait. Energy - she has plenty for any place we go. Social skills - she's learning fast and blending in better each day. Conversation - no more need to help 'translate', she can communicate effectively because she can keep up with the conversation.
I didn't know I was still feeling the strains until now that they are lifting. It makes me ready and excited to have FUN. I'm looking forward to our coming vacation and am hoping that Gary is not the only fun parent :)
Sometimes I think back to the mom I was with my first 3 kids. Even the person I was with my first 3 kids. The things I did, the friends I had, the life we had as a family. There was always a lot of laughter. There was always a lot of activity. There was always a lot of chaos - and I mean good chaos. I guess the best way to express it was a lot of joy. Lot's of friends, lots of kids ...
Now, I'm not suggesting that joy left the building once Ayden Jane came along. Trust me, there is still plenty of laughter, plenty of activity and plenty of chaos. At the same time, however, the more serious, goal-oriented nature I have took over. I now had a mission. It started with the basics of getting her feeding enough to come home. Then it was milestones....
Preschool, then grade school... always striving for something. Always having an extra piece of baggage. At times it was worry, at times it was responsibility, at times it was just extra stuff to do, extra planning required.
I realized as I was thinking on my ride, those are lifting. School - just not that worried, she can keep up now. Planning - if I'm not prepared with snacks ect it's no big deal, she can wait. Energy - she has plenty for any place we go. Social skills - she's learning fast and blending in better each day. Conversation - no more need to help 'translate', she can communicate effectively because she can keep up with the conversation.
I didn't know I was still feeling the strains until now that they are lifting. It makes me ready and excited to have FUN. I'm looking forward to our coming vacation and am hoping that Gary is not the only fun parent :)
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