Marathon

Today I ran 16 miles as part of my training to run in the Myrtle Beach Marathon. I thought about running a marathon before, but honestly would have been satisfied with a half marathon. I decided to do this, however, as a fund raiser for the FPWR and it just seemed to sell short the efforts of people with PWS and the efforts the researchers are making to do anything less than a marathon. It was grueling. Of course, I managed to pick the coldest day of the year, and I don't mean because it is only Jan. 3. It was hard and there were times I wondered if I can really do it, times I wondered if it was worth doing it, times I wondered if I can do it... yes, there was lots of time. I guess what it comes down to is I really don't know if I can do a lot of things. But the first step in doing them is to try, so I am trying.

Two and a half years ago, I was preparing to have our fourth child. I was pretty confident in my parenting skills and although I must admit she was quite a surprise, I knew we would love her and she would just fit into our family and our lives. When the unthinkable happened and she was not born 'normal' and healthy, we operated fairly well in emergency mode. After a while, however, it was apparent that this was not a short term problem and emergency mode is exhausting. As the tests for unimaginably scary disorders came back negative we gained a false sense of security and operated under the pretense that if we put in the extra effort for a few more months, she would pull out of it and everything would catch up to the picture I had of her in my mind before I met her.

I think, for me, the hardest part of parenting Ayden Jane is figuring out how to balance the strain of trying to do everything I can for her, learning all I can, planning all I can, working with her all I can... with the fact that this is not a short term deal and I need to take care of me and just enjoy Ayden Jane and Kayla and Noah and Mckenna and just chill out sometimes. I know that God is in control of Ayden Jane's future and that he wants me to enjoy the 4 amazing gifts Gary and I have been blessed with. But I also know that with each gift of a child there comes a responsibility to raise them, teach them and train them with the tools they will need to live out God's plan for them. That is a challenging balance for parents even when the children do not have special needs. I will strive to do what I can each day, not stress about what goes undone and enjoy the time I have with ALL my wonderful, amazing kids.