Monday, March 5, 2018

Long Year

I have not done much posting this year. Mostly, I mean this school year, It has been a crazy busy season in our lives. Most days I feel like I am just treading water and hoping to not mess things up too badly or miss something big. It's a stressful way to do life. Well, it is for me anyway. I much prefer organization and planning.

As things started becoming overwhelming, I just put my head down and did my best to barrel through. In the end, my best is not enough. Ayden Jane got sick anyway. Her weight is on a steady rise I can't seem to get a hold on, school has been a struggle in lots of ways, her attempts are running have started well and ended poorly with illness and injury.... So many little things I just can't seem to get right or fix.

Kayla has gone from being in a foreign country with political problems to waiting to hear on interviews and possible grad school acceptances for next fall. Noah is working and sorting out lots of things and waiting to hear if he receives a position which will allow him to complete grad school. Mckenna is beginning the college search process and very much wanting to go to Wheaton where Noah is, but it is a huge leap financially.

My work is dumping mornings on Gary and more challenging, Mckenna. She has stepped up wonderfully and has accepted the responsibility and challenges but ugh... It is hard to have so many hands in the pot so to speak. Some days Gary, some days Mckenna. Mom packs things and hopes she doesn't miss anything. I also do not pick up but on rare occasions. i feel very disconnected to Ayden Jane's school. I really need to work either part time where I am currently employed or full time but closer to home. And I do mean NEED, for the sanity of our entire family.

I was beginning to feel the pressures of all these things and realized that "fixing" all these things myself is not going to work. All it will do is make me tired and nutty. This weekend I stopped trying so hard and went for a good run and handed it all square in God's hands where it all belongs. It may sound strange, but I have my best times of prayer and conversation with God as I run.

It's an exciting time in our house. Answers to a few of these things will be huge and I can't wait to see where  God leads each member of our little family next. As for me? I will do what I can each day and run.... praying God's guidance and protection over each member of our family. Then I will sleep peacefully and live joyfully. 

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