Wednesday, June 19, 2013


Weary.  I think that is the best word to describe the way parents feel at times.  I remember feeling a bit weary when Kayla and Noah were young and all that energy was boundless.  Not only do we as parents need to keep up with all their energy, but we have to do all that boring adult stuff too!

Add in a kiddo with an extra layer of stress and.. well, weary sort of sets up camp.  It is possible that I am just feeling the years as I push into my 'late' 40's.  I don't think that is all of it though.  I know that days where I was just 'done' with being the mommy I could throw a PBJ ect. toward the kids and put in a movie.  Or I could pile them in the car and head to McDonalds.  Let them hit the play place and I could enjoy a newspaper...  Basically, I did not worry about a day here or there where we had no vegetables and we stared at the TV.  I could send them outside with basically no supervision to play with their friends and not have to even think about them not keeping up or slipping into somebody's house and having cookies and lemonade. 

I find it a constant struggle to kick back and enjoy summer.  I look at Ayden Jane and I want her to slim down.  I obsess over nutrition.  Her brain does not function well when it is not fed well so she needs x amount.  Her body gains or at least can't lose anything if we have a small margin over x.  Frustrating.  Then there is exercise.  Needs to happen daily but it is HOT.  So, we swim a lot.  While we are there I wonder if swimming down to pick things up off the bottom is exercise.  Then I worry she is dehydrating since she won't drink water.  I try to get her to drink something without fake sugar but she won't so I cave and let her have a diet green tea or propel.  Now I stress over what the fake sugars are doing to her insulin response.  grrrr.

I mean, if you ask me how is Ayden Jane doing?  My answer is easy.  She is amazing.  She functions just like kids with all their chromosomes intact.  You wouldn't pick her out of a crowd of her peers and notice much of anything different.  Well, other than she is keenly aware of nutrition and medical issues that an average 5 year old would have no clue about.  Her teachers only have great things to say and I have even received compliments on her behavior from strangers when we are out in public.  She is smart and funny and caring and quirky.

It's the balancing act that it takes to keep things that way that makes me crazy sometimes.  The daily/hourly maintenance.  The constant fear that if I miss one of those days or hours of maintenance that it will all come crumbling down.  Sounds a bit silly when I write it out...  Yep.  Need to turn off the brain and just enjoy watching Ayden Jane once in a while like I would a beautiful sunset.  Just marvel in it's uniqueness and awesomeness.

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