Getting Away and Coming Back

First the getting away. I have had very little opportunity to go... anywhere without Ayden Jane in the past 3 1/2 years. Now, I am not really complaining, just stating the facts. AJ is quite portable and she has traveled lots of places to see ball games ect. She loves to go, so whether it is shopping or swimming or errands, she is up for a trip. Handing over the reins to all things AJ is never an easy thing for several reasons. This trip, Gary was able to get off work and Kayla and I headed to Clemson for new student orientation. It is always interesting to get some perspective when away and then return. I say interesting because it is both good and bad.

First of all a shout out to Clemson. Kayla had decided in April or May that was where she was headed, but I still had not seen the school. It was a great trip and I was really impressed with the school. The orientation was smooth, the campus was great and I think I am ready to go back in time and 'do college' all over again. Seriously, it was just a great experience to see all the opportunities that Kayla will be able to take advantage of. I know I am supposed to be heart broken that she is leaving us, but I am really just so excited for her to start her next chapter it is hard for me to feel bad for me. Sure, I will be anxiously awaiting her return home for a visit and tell us about her grand adventures... but she is going to be so happy there, how could I not be happy for her. She will be missed, but she will always be such a part of our lives...

I was surprised that I actually missed AJ during the 2 days. I guess when someone is with you 24/7 it is not surprising that you miss them when you are away. Mckenna and Ayden Jane had such a great time with their Dad though. He treated the couple of days like a mini vacation.

Since I have been back, I can see that Ayden Jane is definitely dealing with the belly bloat. I have not done much to ease the problem yet. I am guessing that dairy is the likely cause. I think maybe she had a bit too much yogurt and cheese with Daddy in charge. We will see how the next couple of days go.

It has made me stress over Ayden Jane's eating. Then I just get mad that I have to stress over Ayden Jane's eating. Then I head down the road, mentally, of all the things that may cause Ayden Jane's life to be a challenge. Okay, just plain hard. The anger that she has to live with this thing, the guilt and frustration that I cannot take this burden from her, the stress of feeling like every meal, every min. of the day will make or break her future. (yes, I know that it is completely irrational!)

I know that things have gone all to well for us. I am thrilled that this is the case, but it does not erase the pressures and worry of raising a special needs child. Just sort of makes you roll along almost believing that she is not a special needs child and then you get hit all over again with the emotions of learning that she is, indeed, a unique gift to be handled with special care.

Okay, tomorrow I will start to address the belly bloat from a dietary stand point and see what I can do. Guess it is time for a quick weight and height check too just to make sure things aren't more in the other sort of big belly direction.